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Mr. Falafel

About Mr. Falafel

More than just a Middle-Eastern sandwich, Mr. Falafel is an unabashed cinephile with perspicacious tendencies and discerning tastes. As a writer and filmmaker, his goals are the same; speak his mind, get some laughs and use subliminal messages to forward his own radical beliefs. His films have been turned down my many notable film festivals and his writing has garnered near universal praise from almost half of his parents.

He enjoys good food, the outdoors, cooking for his wife and passing people on the running trail and once almost climbed Mt. Shasta. He lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife and dog.

Posts by Mr. Falafel

The Wisdom of Jean Claude Van Damme

By chance or by providence, these jewels of wisdom found their way to me about a week ago.  Since that discovery, I have probably made over a dozen passes at writing an introduction for them, but nothing measures up.  It did not matter what I produced, nothing came close to the level of excellence that was to follow.  So, as we have learned from the French, if you can’t win (or even if you can, but would rather not make the effort), just surrender. Ladies and gentlemen...the Wisdom of Jean Claude Van Damme.

A cookie has no soul, it's just a cookie. But before it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there's the potential for life.

My wife is not my best sexual partner, but she's good with the housework.

God gave me a great body and it's my duty to take care of my physical temple. 

Innocuous Words I Am Uncomfortable Saying

Subpoena-  Defined as a writ issued by a court commanding an individual to appear in court, and I understand that, but I will not be heard using this word in casual conversation.
Penal-  It may be derived from ‘penalty’, but it sure does not sound like it when spoken.  The homosexual rape histories of the ‘penal system’ sure doesn’t help.

Teat-  Maybe if I was raised on a dairy farm, but I wasn’t.

Nipple-  I have a set of them, but I will rearrange whatever it is that I am saying or just stop talking altogether to avoid using it.

Moist-  Not a descriptive I can justify using.  

Book Titles from the Alternative Childrens Learning Center

Horton Hears Mom and Uncle Dave Having Sex

James and the Giant Tumor

Charlotte's Web of Lies

The Velveteen Child From Dad's First Marriage

Shitty Shitty Gang Bang

Dr. Dolittle Boys

The Baby Sitter Molester Club

Good Grief

Mr. Falafel, aka "Bad Advice Nurse", provides some dialogue for the Peanuts gang. Get more useful insights and dependable tips at twitter.com/badadvicenurse

Resum-eh: The Do’s and Don’ts of Surviving in Canada as an Foreign Employee

These past few years have been tough. As instability in the credit market has wreaked havoc on the American economy, scores have been left unemployed, with countless others working ‘Mexican-level’ jobs just to get by. While the US suffers, however, our neighbors to the north have managed to stave off disaster; mostly because of their risk adverse economic model and over around pussy approach to things. As such, an increasing number of Americans are crossing the boarder into Canada in search of greener pastures and better jobs. Canadians are clicky, selfish people though, so finding work is often not a test of one’s skills and qualifications, but their ability to hide their American heritage. Though naturally unintelligent, Canadians have an innate ability to sniff out foreigners, so, with the help of a brave group of Americans who have been able to breakthrough the ‘ice ceiling,’ I have compiled a lists of do’s and don’ts to help outsiders find employment and survive where the sun don’t shine.

Don’t wear jewelry. Canadians, or criminals, as we know them in America, have an eye for valuable materials. A glimpse of a wedding band or plastic Timex will cause a violent

Looking back, the signs of abuse at the church were all around

Self-Help Books From the North Seattle Barnes and Noble Clearance Bin

Shock and Awe: Relationship Advice From America’s Highest Ranking Pentagon Officials
7 Drug Habits of Successfully High People
Stop Binging, Start Purging
It Will Get Worse, Before it Never Gets Better
Have Another Cookie, You’ll Feel Better
7 Steps Toward Increasing Your Suicide’s Emotional Impact on Your Friends and Family

Food Brought To Sex Addiction Group Therapy Potluck

Frank and Beans
Sticky Buns
Sloppy Joes
Fish Taco
Blow Pops
Pound Cake
Rump Roast
Spotted Dick
Head Cheese
Grape Nuts

The Cage Method

Acting, in its earliest form, likely came well before technologies were developed to record or recount such events. The first known actor, Thespis, lived in the ancient Greek city of Icaria and is the earliest person known to perform for audiences as a character. From Thespis, comes the well-known actor term: thespian.

Actors, or thespians, are known to approach performances from a variety of directions, depending on their training. While some embrace the performance aspects of their art with grand deliveries and flamboyant body movements, others choose a more realistic, true-to-life approach known as ‘Method’ acting. Though neither is inherently better than the other, practitioners usually have strong feelings one way or the other.

Lust for a Dianetic Life

Tom Cruise is an enthusiastic guy. And why not? Blessed with good looks, a beautiful fake wife and a $20 million-a-film price tag; the guy has it made.  Such zeal, however, pales in comparison to the pint-size actor's love for Scientology.  Whereas intellectual curiosity and common sense fail to speak to Cruise, volcanoes and space aliens just makes sense. He doesn't just buy all the bull shit either...he sells it.