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The Wisdom of Jean Claude Van Damme

By chance or by providence, these jewels of wisdom found their way to me about a week ago.  Since that discovery, I have probably made over a dozen passes at writing an introduction for them, but nothing measures up.  It did not matter what I produced, nothing came close to the level of excellence that was to follow.  So, as we have learned from the French, if you can’t win (or even if you can, but would rather not make the effort), just surrender. Ladies and gentlemen…the Wisdom of Jean Claude Van Damme.

A cookie has no soul, it’s just a cookie. But before it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there’s the potential for life.

My wife is not my best sexual partner, but she’s good with the housework.

God gave me a great body and it’s my duty to take care of my physical temple. 

Obviously I’ve taken drugs.

I love karate, it’s like a bible to me. But deep inside I’m so I mean, I’m so sensitive.

I love people. I love life. I love animals. I love friendship and it’s good for people to know that.

If you just want sex, rent a porno.

Street Fighter was corny to me. But there were nice things. I got to see the land of Australia and had a mini-affair with Kylie Minogue. If you ever see her, say hello for me to Kylie.

My last fight was more than 20 years ago. I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover. If somebody’s going to speak bad about me, I will walk away. But if a guy like Steven Seagal slaps me once, I will slap him twice as hard. Life is full of violence.

Showing myself nude from behind doesn’t pose any problems but from the front that’s another story. I don’t want to lose all my fans!

I’ve got a talent to act. No matter what any newspapers say about me I’m one of the most sensitive human beings on earth.

When I walk across my living room from my chimney to my window, it takes me 10 seconds, but for a bird it takes one second, and for oxygen zero seconds!

I am fascinated by air. If you remove the air from the sky, all the birds would fall to the ground. And all the planes, too.

Air is beautiful, yet you cannot see it. It’s soft, yet you cannot touch it. Air is a little like my brain.

In the year 3,000, people are going to speak with sound waves. Don’t think I’m crazy, the whales do it. Dolphins too.

I’m one of the most sensitive human beings on Earth — and I know it.

I love animals. I have nine dogs and a kitty. My biggest orgasm – not in a sexual way – is to walk with my dogs on the beach.

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Rating: 4.5/5 (4 votes cast)
The Wisdom of Jean Claude Van Damme, 4.5 out of 5 based on 4 ratings

2 Comments

  1. Sara says:

    He’s right, you know. People will speak with sound waves in the year 3, 000. And I bet that water will get us wet by then, too. You never know!

  2. George L says:

    Van Damme is kind of a cool actor, not very good but interesting to watch. Certainly he shouldn’t talk so much.

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