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LITERALLY
If you’ve ever said one of the following, than you quite literally might be a dumbass:   I’m so hungry I could literally eat a horse. You literally make my heart soar. That is literally the most amazing thing that has ever been uttered. I’m so high I might literally float away. I’m so full I might literally explode. Mind blown. Literally, my brain is gonna explode. OMG! That is literally my favorite ever! I literally just cried my eyes out. She is literally glowing. That is literally astonishing. I’m about to literally die of boredom. I’m so thirsty I could literally drink a lake. I’m so mad I could literally piss glue. She’s so hot, I’m literally preparing my fire hose. You’re so smart you could be an encyclopedia, like literally. I’m literally so happy I could ride a pig. I’m literally gonna piss on a racehorse.

From the desk of:

Bison Wisdom: August 23, 2012


From the desk of:

“In Defense of Food” by Michael Pollan. A Capricious Book Review.
It's tempting to read the subtitle and dismiss the book as facile and irrelevant: Eat food, not too much, mostly plants. But more than providing all-too-obvious advice, what Michael Pollan essentially does, in his book In Defense of Food, is put the power back in our hands - everyday eaters - and out of the hands of those scoundrels of science. What used to be done with little thought, but abundant TLC has now been reversed: we have information oozing out of our earholes but still rely primarily on fast food joints and microwaves to do the heavy lifting when it comes to the food we actually eat. Americans are the most educated, and yet unhealthiest society in recorded history. Why is this so? Back to Pollan's elementary words of wisdom. What 2.5 million years of evolution did for us apparently wasn't good enough for the scientists. Not that anyone was complaining, but science needed something to dissect and food turned up to be next on the list. So when the science of food

From the desk of:

A Few Thoughts on Rick Santorum
Every time I turn on my TV and see Rick Santorum’s impossibly long face spewing vile hatred toward anyone different from himself, one thing comes immediately to mind.  This man definitely has some ultra bizarre sexual proclivities.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that of course but, history has taught us so well that those who most rabidly try to impose their morality on the rest of us, invariably do so as a result of their deep seeded insecurity about their own desires. I’m not sure what causes people to turn their own self loathing into a crusade against everyone else.  Maybe they think they can exorcise their own self perceived demons in the process.  Maybe they believe that no one would ever suspect them of something if they ardently stand against it.  Who knows how someone as sick as Rick Santorum’s

From the desk of:

Bison Wisdom: October 11


From the desk of:

Newt Gingrich
He paltered. Comme il faut for his sort. A pol, you know. Gimme shelter his Golden Rule. His drogue deployed, seeking direction but, instead, drawing flak. Apostatize in super size to canonize his puissant lies. Schmooze with the Jews of the GOP brand, some joe with a schmo schegegge and a bagel. Thralled with the very thing, Pol Pleonastic. Alas the janissary repine A Greek chorus disconcerted by the conjugal sway and the counterfeit history that you display. (This comes courtesy of a friend of the Bison, Duane Skelton)

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On Pins and Needles Over Pins and Needles
Recently I was convinced to try acupuncture as a means for quitting smoking.  For the low, low price of $100 an hour the miracle of needles being inserted into my pressure points would cast out the nicotine demon.  Whatever, I didn’t have anything better to do.  I went to a couple of sessions, and at most I found it a nice opportunity to sleep for an hour.  I typically smoked a cigarette on the ride home after my appointment, not out of spite or rebelliousness, but because that’s what I would normally do.  In other words, acupuncture did nothing.  Around the time of my third session the lady who was sticking the needles in me asked how I was doing with smoking.  I told her I smoke the same amount as I did before I started.  She looked at me and said, you have to try you know?  

From the desk of:

Self-Help Books From the North Seattle Barnes and Noble Clearance Bin
Shock and Awe: Relationship Advice From America’s Highest Ranking Pentagon Officials 7 Drug Habits of Successfully High People Stop Binging, Start Purging It Will Get Worse, Before it Never Gets Better Have Another Cookie, You’ll Feel Better 7 Steps Toward Increasing Your Suicide’s Emotional Impact on Your Friends and Family

From the desk of:

Return to Pooh Corner

Not exactly what Kenny Loggins had in mind for Winnie and company, but the Hundred Acre Woods is not a place for the weary.


From the desk of:

Success is a Mindset
In this economy being unemployed is a scary prospect.  Chances are, if you've been laid off and are actively seeking employment, the competition is fierce no matter what industry you're in. For those whose resume is perhaps lacking, it can be nearly impossible. To put in bluntly, you need an edge. Which is why despite all the grim economic news, I find companies lining up for my services. You see, as long as I can lie, I am qualified for most any job. I discovered a long time ago that in business a good solid education is the foundation companies look for when hiring. I had a hell of time on the job hunt watching people with college degrees pass me over and I quickly realized for me to have a fighting chance, I needed what they had. Wow, what a revelation that was. Overnight I went from Dave the unmotivated neer do well, to Dave the MBA from Carnegie Mullen who graduated with honors. The results were immediate as well. All of a sudden companies were scratching and clawing to hire me.