Dirty Laundry: A Family Legacy of Bedwetting
I grew up the third of five. My sister is the oldest and in some ways very different from the rest of us. One of the main ways she was very different was in her nighttime vices, or lack thereof. That’s because my three brothers and I were all bedwetters with a vengeance. I mean we would do it like if we did it enough we would win something. We drowned pee machines and grew to love the initial warmth, then sudden chill from drenched underroos. And jockeying for first spot in line at the washing machine first thing in the morning.
But life as a bedwetter wasn’t as perfect as it may seem. Watching your mom dry-heave any time she helped with your laundry left an impression on you and then of course there were the sheets. The plastic
sheets that is. Every bedwetter knows about these. This was your cross to bear for being exceptionally lazy. And the thing is, it wouldn’t even be that bad if they were on underneath your regular sheets, but since your regular sheets were usually in the wash or in a clean pile of laundry (which you most certainly won’t put on yourself due the aforementioned uber-laziness) the chances of those making it on the bed are not good. This of course means two things: one you have to sleep on top of plastic sheets, which is about as comfortable
as a bed of nails. And two, you now have plastic sheets to explain to anyone entering your room outside of your immediate family. My younger brothers probably handled this best, when the neighborhood friend came over and asked what the plastic sheet was for to my 9-year brother. My brother, without hesitation, went into an elaborate explanation of how our mom makes them use these to keep dust off the mattress.
Bison Wisdom: May 23, 2012
Bison Wisdom: May 3, 2012
Some Kinda Ish
So the other day I met this guy, kinda tallish, like 6'2, handsome in a Howie-from-The-Fall-Guyish kinda way, but a little dirtyish, kinda like those hipster boys who wear girlish jeans. He was like "Hey, you're kinda hot, wanna ride bitch on my 10 speed and go search the thrift stores for tshirts with kittens on 'em?" I was feeling
Top 50 Albums of 2011
Remember 2011? In some ways, I hardly do either. But let me try to jog your memory a bit.
Charlie Sheen became the Nation’s punch line for a solid two weeks and by the third week, to everyone’s amazement, he was still alive, the shtick wasn’t funny anymore and it took everything you had not to punch the next person who said “Winning”, as if they were the first to use it. But that’s not all that happened, a usually calm and agreeable part of the world known as the Middle East was in an uproar, planking was all the rage, followed by Tebowing, some Royal limeys tied the knot, many jobs were down and one Jobs died, Wall Street was occupied (still can’t figure out what that means), a pederast at Penn State forever tarnished the legacy of America’s favorite Pa, and Obama got Osama.
This was much the case in music as well. Skinny jeans got a little looser, the luster of Autotune began to wear off, mustaches jumped the shark, and certain types of music seemed to have gotten weirder and better at the same time.
More specifically, there was fledgling brilliance specifically in the world of Indie, Folk, Alternative, Hip Hop, Country, and somewhere in the middle where all of them meet. Artists like PJ Harvey, Das Racist, Panda Bear, tUnE yArDs and Bjork kept things refreshingly weird, and had bright spots, but not good enough to make the list. What did make the list, you ask? Let’s get on with it already.
50. MIRROR TRAFFIC—Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks
Former frontman of the much-loved indie rock group Pavement, Malkmus maintains his alternative vibe in his latest effort, as he and George Lucas continue to be the only good things to ever come out of California's Stockton/Modesto corridor.
49. MINE IS YOURS—Cold War Kids
The Cold War Kids continue to stand on the doorstep of great music and superstardom. As they wait, they continue to put out good, but not great, music. Mine Is Yours falls right in line.
48. BAD AS ME—Tom Waits
The term “Acquired taste” was coined with Tom Waits in mind. As his legend grows larger, he continues to prove that no one does a better impersonation of Tom Waits than Tom Waits.
47. HOUSE OF BALLOONS—The Weeknd
If you’re idea of typical is spending hours at a time trying on designer jeans, driving around in convertible compact cars, attending parties with an array of designer drugs and having regular sex with Sade-look alikes on white leather couches, then House of Balloons may be the soundtrack to your life. If not, The Weeknd is a modern-day Ginuwine, that’s provides good, laid back listening.
Bison Wisdom: October 20
Wait, Wait, Don’t Defund Me
What I want to say has been said before and stated more elegantly. Still, I feel compelled to add my thoughts to the discussion. Recently I have been reading more and more about the effort by Republicans to defund public broadcasting. Specifically I want to talk about that effort as it applies to National Public Radio. It would be a unmitigated disaster if local NPR affiliates had to close to their doors. We should be talking about increasing their funding to reward them for being a lonely outpost of civility in the vast desert of vitriol we live in.
I think it’s important to examine the reasons being given to cut off their funds. If you are going to take the people behind this at their word, which I don’t, austerity is why we simply must cut off NPR. We have to tighten our belts in these tough times. Don’t ask them to cut military spending, or close tax loopholes
And I Thought I Had a Problem
Most people that have the privilege to know me would say that I’m an obsessive wrestling fan. And while this might be true, one Zavr Peygumbari, of Brooklyn, New York makes my interest look casual. Recently the WWE did its annual spring cleaning of excess wrestlers and released about a half dozen of them. The release of Mickie James, a popular women’s wrestler however, didn’t sit too well with our friend Zavr. He took it upon himself to call the WWE headquarters over twenty times with threats to blow up the company’s office and harm staff members. He allegedly said he would visit the office with a machine gun and a machete. A machete? Really? Was he just planning on slicing and dicing employees until they brought his favorite wrestler back?
Sarah Palin Battle Hymn
See what's happening inside a convalescent home in Alaska right now.
Press "Read More" to see video of a tribute to women who doesn't fear going rogue.
Can Someone Please Explain Calculus
I'm sorry to interrupt the meeting, but could we take a few minutes to play catch up? I'm afraid I have no idea what Calculus is. I probably should have been more clear about that on my resume. When I said "thorough knowledge of Calculus", what I meant was, I understand there is a branch of mathematics called Calculus. I wasn't aware that its practical application was a job requirement. I hope this isn't going to be too big a problem.